Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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