She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
