he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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