i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
