I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
