Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I want to fling myself into the sun
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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