I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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