Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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