I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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