I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
