PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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