ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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