i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Randomize
