it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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