The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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