i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
