matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
