I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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