I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
