forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
