Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im part way to drunk.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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