The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
