Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wish my penis had a tongue
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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