Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Randomize
