He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
