I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
