i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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