Kareoke will never be a sober sport
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
