i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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