If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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