Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
