i permit you to call me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
