You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
