rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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