I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
