did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize