the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As shirtless as possible
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Come share oat with me in your robe
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
