What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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