he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
