I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
