We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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