It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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