dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Acid is not a monday night drug
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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