I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
