He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
