he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
