tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
