we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I will be naked everywhere
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
