just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
