I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
