You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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