I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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