Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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