I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This house was built for laser tag.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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