At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
