I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize