The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im holly from the hills drunk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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