Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
did i just pee glitter
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
