hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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