shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize