I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
