Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
