It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im holly from the hills drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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