You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
