Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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