About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize