I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
