When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
