College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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