How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
