he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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