Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
