she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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