I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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