Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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