have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
