we made out on top of his cat.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
