he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your penis caused this!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
