You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
