Well apparently he's into motor boating.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
