Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
