Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
