i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
