Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
