Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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