Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
