gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
