I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
