Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
