Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
now i know why i became what i already was.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
