I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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