it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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