Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just want to make out with him forever
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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