It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
